Dream of an end you’ll never catch and chase it every day of your life.

Better. It’s a word I often float. It’s a path I persistently pursue. And that’s good, right? Well, not always. Better benefits, no doubt. But better costs, too.

Benefit of Better

Better drives me to places both professionally and personally that I’d never reach if I stayed stuck in place. So, I relentlessly pursue “my next,” convinced that’s the key to success: Dream of an end you’ll never catch and chase it every day of your life.

And so, I chase. And whether it is a pioneering spirit or just simply ADD (likely the latter), I am constantly on the move. Never one who’s found much comfort in the way things are, I constantly dream of the way things might be. As such, this, I believe, has made be a better teacher, a better husband, a better father…a better human.

Cost of Better

As awesome as it feels, better has side effects, too. Constant change is exhausting. And whether it’s a look back at all the work that led to the present better–which will now be left behind, or the look ahead at all the work in front of the next better, it is an exhausting existence. It’s also scary.

As one who finds no comfort in the status quo, I am never comfortable, and a measure of comfort is necessary for stability, for sanity, for security. So, then–to varying degrees and at varying moments, I am unstable, insane, and insecure. Did I just say that? Probably not a wise admission if one wants to keep his followers. Kidding–mostly–aside, better is scary. And scary can be lonely.

Most cling to comfort. And I cannot blame them; in fact I often envy them. Many a day, I wish I could stay. Just stay, but I know my envious moment is fleeting as I keep constant vigil on the horizon, wondering what’s ahead, knowing I will not pause, knowing that I will not stay, that I cannot stay. And because there are fewer than more who venture far from their place of comfort, at times, it’s lonely chasing better. Please know I am neither pointing fingers nor suggesting that their staying is bad or that my moving is superior. It’s just the nature of the chase. At least in place, one never really gets lost. Bereft of place, one is frequently lost. And that is self-inflicted loneliness. If I am lonely, it is largely my fault, but I take heart in knowing that even if I am lost and lonely, I am not alone.

Not at all. There are a number of folks I have met on my journey, near and far, who, too, chase better, and I am made less lonely.

Of course, I am off again. The horizon called, and I answered. Yesterday, I gave preview of my new path, http://www.letschangeeducation.com/chasing-better-dreams-of-a-feedback-only-classroom/. I am going to completely revamp my grading approach for next year by trying to create a learning environment fueled only by feedback. It, I believe, will be better. But it will be exhausting, frightening, and lonely–all things I have come to expect and accept from this beautiful, baneful existence of better.

Still Testing…

Today, we enter into “day two” of testing. We are on a block schedule, so though we have been testing for two days, really it’s the kids’ second day of testing, and the silence…well, it screams at me.

Happy Wednesday, all. Thank you for enduring my ADD.

Do. Reflect. Do Better.