If I am honest, which is generally not an issue for me, I am a bit anxious about my upcoming opportunities to take Project 180 and my work to a wider audience. As an introvert, it always surprises me to find myself in these “public positions,” for I prefer the quiet of private. But here I am again, outside my room, outside my comfort zone. So, why do I do it, then? Why do I put myself in these positions? Why can’t I stay tucked in my private quiet? I don’t know. Maybe it’s my aversion to the status quo. Maybe it’s my acquired taste for attention (being honest). Maybe it’s my restless spirit trapped inside my introverted shell, seeking to escape. Maybe it’s a silly sense of destiny that I have developed from looking back to my humble, hard beginnings through poverty that have led me to believe I have a duty, a responsibility to give back to that which gave so much to me, to that which may have literally saved my life: school. Maybe.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe these moments create anxiety for me, for I fear I will let fall that which I imagine I carry upon my shoulders: a debt to pay back and forward. I have to give back. I took much. In fact I took so much that I cannot pay it all back, so I seek to pay it forward to my kids for whom I try to make school that place that may give them much, that place that matters now, that place that matters later. That place that matters. So, when I have the opportunity to share my journey with the outside world, I wonder and worry about getting it right for them and those to come, even those outside my room, and for that I cannot hide in my private quiet. I am here. Private no more. And I am still getting used to that.

Meanwhile in room 211…

Still testing. Missing my kids. Missing their noise. Missing their smiles–and frowns. Missing their messes. Missing their brilliance. Missing their spirits. Missing them.

Do. Reflect. Do Better.