It’s too bad that one’s peace cannot be ruled by a simple majority. It’s too bad that one’s brain conspires against the very thing it needs most. It’s too bad that one can neither remember the positive nor forget the negative. It’s too bad.

Dear Brain,

I beseech you, I beg you. Let majority rule. When our day’s experiences tend to the positive, let that dictate our night’s rest. And, in return, I promise when it tends to the negative, I will grant your incessant gallop across the synapses of the arena, a ruminative rodeo replaying the day. I promise. But you have to promise, too. Deal?

Sincerely,

Me

I should have slept like a baby last night. I had a super majority of positives from last night’s conferences, parents thanking me for the care, work, and faith that I am putting into their children. I should have. I didn’t. Not sure I slept a wink. The rodeo was in full force as the stock ran roughshod, stuck on replay, running over and over again the one negative of the evening.  Another night lost, victim to a tyrannical brain. But why does it conspire so?

The people who love and support me tell me to forget. I tell myself to forget. But my brain won’t listen. It will not remember. I will not forget. But enough is enough. We have to strike a deal. Doubt will not do. There is too much at stake. I have worked too hard. I demand a deal. Brain, are you listening?

In the end, I guess I knew it would happen. I knew it when I wrote yesterday’s post. I knew it when they walked in the door. And, it happened. I thought I was prepared. I thought it might go differently. I thought wrong. I’ll spare the details, but I will share that I have never been so insulted professionally, and I have rarely been so wounded personally. It was not easy to be subjugated to the implication that I do not understand or care about kids for twenty minutes. Hard to sleep on that.

But today is a new day. The stock are back in their pens. Rodeo is over. I seem to better remember the positive with the sun on the horizon. I just wish my memory were better when it went down. Brain, let’s work on that. Please.

Happy Friday, all.